Kids burn out early in this rat race

September 30, 2011:

My friend Maureen emailed me with a plea to pray for her oldest daughter who graduated in May of last year and started a teaching position that same fall. Now, in her second year, she already feels burned out. It began to sink in that after all the hard work of studying to become a teacher, this is what her life will be now for a very long time. She seems down and discouraged.

I will keep her in my prayers. You have to remember, these kids go to high school, have activities, enter college, and then boom have to go straight into their career. It's too much. I had a year off, not really off, but as an au-pair, I got to travel, didn't have to study, just learn the language, and weigh my options. Then I came back home and worked in a factory for a couple years, only 4-5 hours a day! Had a lot of down time, figured things out, lived at home. We didn't go straight from school to a career, I actually took my sweet time and lived carefree at home until I got married. Why is it so hard today? It's great and lucky that she has a real job right out of college, but now she knows what it will be like for the next 40 years, which is scary. I think when Al is done with school, I'll let her take a break for a while. She can live at home, work part time, or spend some time in Germany. This rat race life is not healthy. I am okay with it now, because I had years of different jobs and experiences. Since we have a mortgage and a kid to raise, I know what's expected. But in my early twenties, I wanted to do things before I got serious. Jen is having a lot of fun, but when does she ever have time to relax? It's so much pressure from all directions. The world nowadays is too set on performance and I refuse to be dictated by it. Okay, so I make less money, but I manage. We have a smaller home, drive used cars, shop at Goodwill or wear my sister’s hand-me-downs, and we hardly ever eat out, the hell with instant gratification. This rat race attitude makes my head spin. Not sure why I started ranting like this, but you know what I'm saying. Jen feels stuck in her career and never got to take a break, but it would probably have been good for her. Remind me to let Al goof off when she's has her degree...

Heather

Maureen wrote back saying she emailed her daughter and encouraged her to take a year off, or move back home to save money until she sorts things out.

I responded: To tell the truth, for me it's more important that Al is in college for everything else, not just the education part. Of course I want her to have a degree in something, but it's not the main thing. She's finding herself out there and she is so much happier than last year. I think it's worth it.

A wise father said to his son (now a famous author) who dropped out of college and moved to the other side of the country. "Well son, I tried to help you out, but you want to do it your way. If it doesn't work out, you know where we are."

Isn't that the most comforting thing to say to your child? Go out into the world, look around, and if it doesn't work out, you can always come home.

Let's remind ourselves to be parents like that.

Heather

PS: Sometimes I'm glad to be average, and to have an average child, expectations are just not that high and we can relax. Right now she is working on homecoming, a huge paper, and laundry. That to me is a nice mix, but then again, I'm weird.

Tally of first semester

So now she’s home for a month, having completed her first semester. I had beautiful auburn hair before she left for college, now it is streaked with gray. Alexandra couldn’t wait to get home on Friday, the next day she complained that she’d rather be at school than home. I can relate to that, because whenever I go home to visit my family, it takes me three days to adjust. She was in a miserable mood all weekend, thank goodness she had to work long hours and wasn’t around much. I guess the internal struggle between being a cared-for-child and an independent adult is in full swing.
From the day Alexandra was born, I raised her bilingual. I created flashcards as seen in the Better Baby program and “studied” with her every day. I implemented the Montessori Method at home. We traveled. We visited museums and Science Centers, parks and playgrounds, especially in New York City. She was surrounded by a variety of religions, cultures and age groups. I breast-fed her for several months, I ate right, I read to her every day until her teenage years. She was a Girl Scout from beginning to end, having achieved the Bronze, Silver, and Gold Award, and two religious awards. She trained with the toughest coach in Irish Dancing for eight years and competed in front of hundreds of people. She has both parents living under the same roof. We taught her to save and budget, to write thank you letters, and to cover your mouth when you yawn. She was raised in the church and celebrated her communion and confirmation. I pray with her every night.
She should be a genius, but she is an average student. She is rather selfish with that entitlement feeling that swept through their generation. Her compassion skills are underdeveloped.
Her GPA for the first semester is good enough to pledge for her chosen sorority, but not much above it. She worked 53 hours in the mall in 2 weeks and earned her spending money for the next semester, so she can study and pledge without having to work on her days off during the coming semester.
PS: Mom got an A- in Algebra