The first "We're Hiring" signs have been sighted...

Date: Tue, 18 Jan 2011 Good morning, How was the meeting last night? Good luck today in your first course. Mom

the meeting was good! i really like the RAs and the people on my floor are really nice its kinda like a family thats what the RAs made it feel like

Hey, times must be getting better, Wendy’s is hiring, with a big sign outside. I haven’t sign help wanted signs for years.

Well, that’s good, that you’re not the only new kid on the floor, so six others moved to your floor, cool. I liked that one RA I met, she seems tough and dependable. I have a good feeling about this semester, too. Love, Mom

Wed, 19 Jan 2011: Hey, what did your friends say about your tattoo?

they love ittttt

 (Of course)

okay so i bought most of my books and it comes to 442.06....u could just round that up to 1000 hahaha just kidding (no im not!)
i had my first precalc class today and i love my professor so i think im gonna stay with it :)
this semester is gonna be good but im gonna be sooo busy! i already had a lab to do in bio on the first day! but my professor is really nice! so ill have a lot of school work and pledging so since ill be up 24/7 i think i should bring my little pink lamp back to school so i dont have to have the big light and keep my roomate awake
okay ill see you friday.... im not homesick at all like if i wasnt coming home to make calzones for dad’s birthday, i would just stay up here! hahaha well thats not the only reason but yeah i dont feel the need to come home to get away from everything i can actually come home because i want to not because im stressed here lol but i will be home this weekend =]

Well, that’s good to hear that you want to come home, and it’s also good to hear that you like it up there. You sound a lot better than last semester. When will you be done tomorrow? I will leave here around 3PM, so be there around 4:15 if that’s all right.

I will transfer $500 into your account, please budget, it’s more important than getting money handed all the time. You will have enough for the semester.

If you would stay in school this weekend, what would you do? Are there others who are staying? Just wondering, b/c last semester it looked as if the whole campus went home every weekend. Is it different now? I know during pledging you will stay there, but why now?

Another thing: I know tonight is party night and we are expecting several inches of snow, starting around midnight. Please stay off the roads, do not go too far, maybe only to one you can get to by foot. It is so dangerous to drive in newly fallen snow, please be extremely careful. Ttyl, Mom

okay i get done at 12:05 tomorrow cuz i only have 1 class yay! so yeah 4:15 works for me
a lot of ppl do go home but i guess cuz its second semester people would rather stay cuz they are used to this college thing already lol
and im walking tonight lol

Dear Math, after today's final, I am officially done with you forever. Sorry to hurt your feelings... but damn, am I excited.

Al, You should receive your battery charger this afternoon via UPS (forgot it at home after the weekend). Let me know when it arrives. Also let me know asap if you can move some of your stuff into the new room. Good luck on your finals, mine is tonight. Mom

good luck, i have part 1 tomorrow...prob gonna fail it even though i studied all day yesterday and all day today like legit but all i can do is my best because he is the worst teacher ever i sat in that class for 3 months and didnt learn a damn thing oh well hopefully my pre calc professor wont be a hundred years old and wont do things the old fashioned way and when the tutor tells me how to do it the new and improved easy way that i actually understand, my professor wont mark it wrong. i didnt get my cable yet im in the computer lab, i just fb messaged my new roommate asking if it would be a problem to move my stuff in though it shouldn’t be
okay im gonna go eat lunch and then study some more

It’s scheduled to arrive around 3pm. Wish me luck for tonight. I’m actually psyched for my math final. Mom

Wednesday, Dec 15: Text: How did it go? Mom

It was okay but part 2 on Friday is gonna be so hard

Thursday, December 16, 2010: Sweetie, Oma will light a blessed candle for you all day tomorrow, like she did for me. I really felt the power of it go through me during the test, it kept me strong and clear headed, and I was able to do all the problems.
Concentrate on the power of the blessed candle burning for you overseas and let it go through you. Hey, you can even ask the prof if something is unclear, kids in my class went to her desk constantly. Try to study as much as you can today, even go to the tutor if you can, or better yet, could you ask the professor for help? And please do not go out partying tonight, it will not be good. Be strong and do your best, I just hope you studied math along the way, not try to cram it all in now. You can’t cram for math, it all builds up and you need to stay on top of it from the beginning.
Let me know if you’re moving stuff into your new room. Good luck, Mom

Email from mom's friend to me, Heather:
Are you kidding? No one (except maybe the Asians) in this generation put as much into studying as you do!  No kids have that work ethnic anymore about anything.  I'm sure you did great. 

More trouble and some solutions

Dec. 1, 2010: When I checked my phone this morning before leaving for work I had these text messages: Text at 1:52AM: I’m losing my mind I can’t dorm here anymore sorry for wasting ur money. And don’t call me back cuz my battery is dying so I won’t answer. An hour later: disregard my messages.

My stomach sunk immediately and I drove to work cursing and praying. My whole day was completely ruined. If she drops out of college, she’ll have no future and live with us forever. As soon as I got to work, I talked to three of my co-workers, all of whom told me this would happen, it’s to be expected, and normal. They told me to ignore it, let her work it out, not bail her out, she’s smart and knows that if she drops out she can’t get a good job, and that she probably just needed to vent. So not only am I worried now that she’d lost her job at the mall because she missed her shift, but now I freak over her not getting a college education. Why is this so hard?

(Email to Mom from friend) Meet me at my house by about 6:10 does that sound good for you?  Maureen

Sounds good, have to vent. Al is driving me crazy. Very dramatic, hates  dorming right now, I'm ready to rip her head off. Ladies at work tell me it's normal and all part of teenage girl behavior, especially first year of college. It sucks!

See you tonight you can vent on the ride to diner.  Maureen

(Later) Okay, what is going on? Mom

Nothing really i was just stressed, kinda hate my roommates is all

Advice from the booklet “Empowering Parents of First Year College Students” by Royard Mullendore and Leslie Banahan:

 Parents should listen closely to determine if their student is calling to ask for help or to vent frustration. Often, students simply want and need to tell their story, and they turn without hesitation to parents for sympathy and encouragement. There is no denying that receiving a call or e-mail from an unhappy child is troubling and upsetting for parents. Every part of the parents’ being is telling them to get in the car or hop a plane, train, or bus to get to campus to save their baby. Usually, the student’s bad moment passes, and he/she feels much better after dumping all the woe on Mom or Dad. The student goes on to the next part of life, while parents are left with all the emotion and worry. Especially with the speed of today’s communication technology, students don’t spend much time processing information or an experience before calling home, so parents often hear a very emotional and unexamined version of what their student is experiencing at school. Many first year students have a meltdown moment when college life just seems too hard, too confusing, and too overwhelming. But a) this is a common experience among first year students, b) the moment of helplessness and hopelessness usually passes fairly quickly, and c) today’s college students usually choose to call their parents when they emotionally hit rock bottom. This call may come earlier in the term but typically occurs during the crunch period between mid-term and final exams.

Why I am sharing our experience

We just survived our daughter's first year of college. Everything that I imagined could happen happened. Wrong roommates, partying, home sickness, a friend's alcohol poisoning, average grades, and 2AM texts to get her out of there. But it was good too in a way. She learned to manage and grew emotionally. The second semester went much smoother and she had good grades. She pledged to the sorority of her choice and called us at one in the morning when she got her bid.
For you parents out there who don't know what you're getting into in a couple of months, or for you who know and would like to compare war stories, I created this blog titled: A child's first year of college from the parents' point of view: Is the nest half full or half empty if they come home on the weekends?
Why do I use parent in singular form even though her father lives under the same roof? Because it is different for the men who, as in our case, snore away obliviously on the couch while the mother gets texts and horror emails from her only child away in college. The father gets clued in when the drama is over and the kid has moved on.
I will give you detailed updates at least once or twice a week about the previous year (I saved all our emails). Since I already know that it has a happy ending, I can give you the gory details without worrying you too much.
For privacy, I have changed all names.
Now come along for the ride...