Is the nest half full or half empty when they come home on the weekends?

We just survived our daughter's first year of college. Everything that I imagined could happen happened. Wrong roommates, partying, home sickness, a friend's alcohol poisoning, average grades, and 2AM texts to get her out of there. But it was good too in a way. She learned to manage and grew emotionally. The second semester went much smoother and she had good grades. She pledged to the sorority of her choice and called us at one in the morning when she got her bid.
For you parents out there who don't know what you're getting into in a couple of months, or for you who know and would like to compare war stories, I created this blog titled: A child's first year of college from the parents' point of view: Is the nest half full or half empty if they come home on the weekends?
Why do I use parent in singular form even though her father lives under the same roof? Because it is different for the men who, as in our case, snore away obliviously on the couch while the mother gets texts and horror emails from her only child away in college. The father gets clued in when the drama is over and the kid has moved on.
I will give you detailed updates at least once or twice a week about the previous year (I saved all our emails). Since I already know that it has a happy ending, I can give you the gory details without worrying you too much.
For privacy, I have changed all names.
Now come along for the ride...

Dark and Quiet

Wednesday, Dec. 1^st, 2010: Happy first of December! Open your first window in the calendar. Before you’re even done with the calendar, you’ll be home for a month. Mom

i know i opened it and it was good. not as good as the european chocolates but still good
i got a letter from aunt liese yesterday

Later Alex sent me a huge email about the problems she is having with her roommate and her friends. I will not disclose it here, but it had to do with not getting enough sleep or privacy.

We tried to solve it several ways:
Ask Alyssa what days she leaves at what time, maybe you can coordinate with her to drive home and back in the morning for one day a week, to get your sleep. Especially during finals. You need to sleep and study, I might even run up and get you one afternoon, if you have a ride back the next morning. This won’t last forever, it’s definitely a learning and adjustment period.
Bring an eye-mask like I wear to make the room dark, and I have earplugs for you. Mom

i mean i sleep in meghann’s room on tuesdays usually and i try not to be in the room a lot but i mean idk she is considerate sometimes its not like all the time so idk but yeah im looking for a new room next semester.

Good idea. You need your sleep. I would even consider paying more for a single unless you find a great match to room with. Here are two good quotes to remember to keep things in perspective:
You can’t learn to sail on a smooth sea, and
This will be better by the time you’re twice married

i dont think they have single rooms and i dont mind having roomates im just not friends with mine and i feel like everybody else is...

Thu, 2 Dec 2010: Do you know where to go about changing roommates? When do you need to start the process?
I thought of something that might help for now. Bring one of these eye masks with you, and we’ll get you a CD player, calming music and headphones, this way you’ll have it dark and can tune out the noise, it will work wonders. Remember I used to relax like that on the couch and was oblivious to the world. And it’s easy to fall asleep while listening to calm music and ocean sounds.
Also, find a quiet place on campus, probably the library, where you can go for a snooze and quiet and regroup, even just for a half hour or hour.
You have to lay down the law with your roommates without getting into a fight if possible, and if they are mad, so what, you’re mad too. Tell them calmly you have earlier classes and need to get through finals, you need your sleep.
We’ll talk more when you’re home tomorrow. Mom

Okay

Heather, how are you and Alexandra today? Maureen

I've sent her some advice, like headphones with calming music to fall asleep even if others are in her room, and an eye mask. We'll see.
We will have a nice long talk with her when she's home. Roy made the mistake of asking how she's doing last night, so I told him. He said: "Take her out then," so he's no help. I will buy her a CD player with calming music and an eye mask for darkness. I know she can be very bitchy and tries hard not to get too mad. I printed out the housing rules and she's definitely right. She can switch roommates after the first week of the next semester. For now we'll let her sleep as much as she wants when she's home. Heather

More trouble and some solutions

Dec. 1, 2010: When I checked my phone this morning before leaving for work I had these text messages: Text at 1:52AM: I’m losing my mind I can’t dorm here anymore sorry for wasting ur money. And don’t call me back cuz my battery is dying so I won’t answer. An hour later: disregard my messages.

My stomach sunk immediately and I drove to work cursing and praying. My whole day was completely ruined. If she drops out of college, she’ll have no future and live with us forever. As soon as I got to work, I talked to three of my co-workers, all of whom told me this would happen, it’s to be expected, and normal. They told me to ignore it, let her work it out, not bail her out, she’s smart and knows that if she drops out she can’t get a good job, and that she probably just needed to vent. So not only am I worried now that she’d lost her job at the mall because she missed her shift, but now I freak over her not getting a college education. Why is this so hard?

(Email to Mom from friend) Meet me at my house by about 6:10 does that sound good for you?  Maureen

Sounds good, have to vent. Al is driving me crazy. Very dramatic, hates  dorming right now, I'm ready to rip her head off. Ladies at work tell me it's normal and all part of teenage girl behavior, especially first year of college. It sucks!

See you tonight you can vent on the ride to diner.  Maureen

(Later) Okay, what is going on? Mom

Nothing really i was just stressed, kinda hate my roommates is all

Advice from the booklet “Empowering Parents of First Year College Students” by Royard Mullendore and Leslie Banahan:

 Parents should listen closely to determine if their student is calling to ask for help or to vent frustration. Often, students simply want and need to tell their story, and they turn without hesitation to parents for sympathy and encouragement. There is no denying that receiving a call or e-mail from an unhappy child is troubling and upsetting for parents. Every part of the parents’ being is telling them to get in the car or hop a plane, train, or bus to get to campus to save their baby. Usually, the student’s bad moment passes, and he/she feels much better after dumping all the woe on Mom or Dad. The student goes on to the next part of life, while parents are left with all the emotion and worry. Especially with the speed of today’s communication technology, students don’t spend much time processing information or an experience before calling home, so parents often hear a very emotional and unexamined version of what their student is experiencing at school. Many first year students have a meltdown moment when college life just seems too hard, too confusing, and too overwhelming. But a) this is a common experience among first year students, b) the moment of helplessness and hopelessness usually passes fairly quickly, and c) today’s college students usually choose to call their parents when they emotionally hit rock bottom. This call may come earlier in the term but typically occurs during the crunch period between mid-term and final exams.

Trouble Part II

I talked to her at length, read from the college book (Been There, Should've Done That: 995 Tips for Making the Most of College) about roommate issues, talked to friends who said she has to work through that, it’s a learning experience, she is learning more outside the classroom than inside. Throwing four strangers together into one suite is almost guaranteed to be a problem, she’ll learn from it, get tougher, learn how to deal with people she doesn’t like which will happen wherever she goes, always, all her life. I sent her another email saying: 

Alexandra, embrace the people you have a problem with. Don’t change yourself to suit them, send out good wishes and blessings every time you see them, and offer your problems up to God. He will take care of them.

This is a lesson for life, wherever you go, you will encounter people you will not get along with. Luckily, you can change that negativity by sending out positive thoughts. It might take a while, but it will never fail. I believe in you, Love, mother

(advice from my co-worker: You will get calls/e-mails full of drama, pick me up, I hate it here, you worry, can’t sleep, she moves on, you still fret, try to solve the situation, she’s already moved on and is happy now, for the time being, brace yourself for such times, and it is happening right now).

no i mean im happy right now cuz im at starbucks with my friends...i just went to art building, i really like it in there and all the creativity...maybe ill minor in art? Alex

Huh?!