Is the nest half full or half empty when they come home on the weekends?

We just survived our daughter's first year of college. Everything that I imagined could happen happened. Wrong roommates, partying, home sickness, a friend's alcohol poisoning, average grades, and 2AM texts to get her out of there. But it was good too in a way. She learned to manage and grew emotionally. The second semester went much smoother and she had good grades. She pledged to the sorority of her choice and called us at one in the morning when she got her bid.
For you parents out there who don't know what you're getting into in a couple of months, or for you who know and would like to compare war stories, I created this blog titled: A child's first year of college from the parents' point of view: Is the nest half full or half empty if they come home on the weekends?
Why do I use parent in singular form even though her father lives under the same roof? Because it is different for the men who, as in our case, snore away obliviously on the couch while the mother gets texts and horror emails from her only child away in college. The father gets clued in when the drama is over and the kid has moved on.
I will give you detailed updates at least once or twice a week about the previous year (I saved all our emails). Since I already know that it has a happy ending, I can give you the gory details without worrying you too much.
For privacy, I have changed all names.
Now come along for the ride...

These parents are way ahead of me: Gypsynester.com

I don’t know who said they can’t wait until their kids start college and move out, so they can get their lives back. This empty-nest stuff stinks! But there is a real-life family who truly enjoys it: 'Gypsynesters'.  It is worth checking out, they write extremely well and know what they're doing. I admire David and Veronica, but I am nowhere near that point in life as they are.They are veterans with the third kid in college, I have an only, and everything is the first time for me. I am trying, though.

I work full time, write, take classes at the community college, walk her dog, and still find time to miss her. Roy feels the same way. It’s like we live from weekend to weekend, when she’s home. We better get over this soon.

Well, tomorrow our daughter is going back to campus, for her second year. She had all four of her wisdom teeth pulled, survived hurricane Irene, and the earthquake on Tuesday. With all this going on, moving her back to school was shoved to the backburner for awhile, but now we are fully aware that she is leaving us again. This time with her car. I pray to God that she is safe.

This is a little conversation we had at the beginning of the summer. She was offered to work at my job for four weeks, then at her usual summer camp for an additional five weeks.

Alexandra: "I am not getting up at 6:30 AM for the next 9 weeks. No way, I'm not doing it. Absolutely not." (Very grouchy tone of voice)

Me: "Heck, nine weeks sounds good. So far I did this for 30 years, with 20 more on the horizon."

She worked the full nine weeks, got up every morning, did a good job, and now has money in the bank for the next semester.

The car is packed, the husband and I are mentally prepared, (Alex is psyched to go back, a good sign).

The first year of college blog posts have now come to an end, but I promise I will post important events throughout the next three years. There is just too much to pass on and help other parents find answers to inumerable questions. May God be with us, and of course, with you.

Sincerely,

Heather, your parents' point-of-view ally.

No contact for one week!

Thu, 31 Mar 2011: (Notice how the days pass without a word from her) Alexandra,

What have you been doing all week? Are you coming home this weekend? Mom

i've been super busy cuz we r almost done pledging sooo
i am coming home this weekend but i have to make an apetizer for alumni dinner which is on sunday at 4....no ur not allowed to come, family dinner is in the fall and u can come to that lol so i have to be back on sunday pretty early
i'm prob not gonna come home next weekend cuz its "hell week" nothing bad but we have like scavenger hunts and other stuff to do on thursday friday and sat and then there is no point coming home for just sunday and then hopefully i'll cross not this coming tuesday but the one after that so anyways i have my sleepover tonight after our meeting which is good cuz i dont have class on friday so i can just sleep and then do hw and then be ready for when u come get me
soooo thats it for now
bye! =]

This empty nest is starting to grow on us!

Notice the time span between emails. I am not contacting her every day anymore.

Tue 2/1/2011: hey so nothing is really going on this weekend so i think i might come home either friday or sat... ill let you know though

Thursday 2/3/2011: sooo i think im gonna come home on saturday at like noonish cuz on friday i wanna like do homework and go to the gym and stuff
but on the way home do u think we can stop at like the mall? i just need some things for mixers and stuff nd i think the bigger malls have a better selection so i can get stuff for cheaper than at our mall

Friday 2/4/2011: Yes, I can pick you up tomorrow around noonish, and stop at the mall.

What did you do last night? Be careful tonight, love mom

okay cool
im just planning on doing productive stuff today...gym hw im not going out tonight cuz i just dont feel like it

(Do I notice a little maturing/growing up here?…it does a mother good.) Side note from me, the mother: If you compare the first semester to the second, there is a lot less correspondence going on. I am more at ease. I don’t wake up in the middle of the night worrying anymore, at least on days I know she’s not at a frat party. The students seem to have calmed down, settled, figured out some things. My husband and I are a little lost being home without her, but that too is getting better. We are enjoying each other’s company more. I keep busy with a college course, only one at a time, and writing novels. Of course I also work full time during the day, but the evenings would be long without these activities. She still comes home every weekend, but it sounds as if that will be changing, too.

Why I am sharing our experience

We just survived our daughter's first year of college. Everything that I imagined could happen happened. Wrong roommates, partying, home sickness, a friend's alcohol poisoning, average grades, and 2AM texts to get her out of there. But it was good too in a way. She learned to manage and grew emotionally. The second semester went much smoother and she had good grades. She pledged to the sorority of her choice and called us at one in the morning when she got her bid.
For you parents out there who don't know what you're getting into in a couple of months, or for you who know and would like to compare war stories, I created this blog titled: A child's first year of college from the parents' point of view: Is the nest half full or half empty if they come home on the weekends?
Why do I use parent in singular form even though her father lives under the same roof? Because it is different for the men who, as in our case, snore away obliviously on the couch while the mother gets texts and horror emails from her only child away in college. The father gets clued in when the drama is over and the kid has moved on.
I will give you detailed updates at least once or twice a week about the previous year (I saved all our emails). Since I already know that it has a happy ending, I can give you the gory details without worrying you too much.
For privacy, I have changed all names.
Now come along for the ride...

Is the nest half full or half empty if they come home on the weekends?

Sunday, September 5^th, 2010: My husband Roy and I dropped our daughter Alexandra off at her dorm on campus, which is only 25 miles away. It was hard for us to say good-bye, but finally Al pushed us out the door. We drove home in silence.

When we got home the house felt empty and sad, even the pets couldn’t fill our emptiness. Roy called a friend who also just sent off his daughter to college, but the in-laws were there and it wasn’t possible for Roy to go over there to have someone to commiserate with. He stayed home and drank a few bottles of beer which he never does, only when we have visitors or go out. I tried to take a nap but couldn’t relax, so I texted Alexandra to find out what she was doing.

She texted back that it’s all good, that she and her roommates were hanging out at the Upper Classmen dorm and that they were having a blast. I asked, “Why are you at the Upper Classmen dorm? (Somebody knew someone there). One group of kids (boys) has an apartment so large or long that they use a scooter to wheel to the bathroom with. They also decorated the living room with inflatable dolls…oh, they’re so cool (Mom is rolling her eyes).

The next day I sent her an email: Hi Alex,

How is everything? Did you have the floor meeting last night? Did you know any kids from home? What else did you do?

We are fine, but your father took two anxiety pills, drank three beers, and passed out for four hours. Tom wasn’t available; otherwise Dad would have gone there to take his mind off things. Max slept by your bedroom door all night, Tiger only cares about his food bowl being full. Cats are like that; they don’t mope around like dogs. My class starts tomorrow, I’m excited even though it’s math and will surely kill me. Let me know what’s going on, Mom.