Dec. 1, 2010: When I checked my phone this morning before leaving for work I had these text messages: Text at 1:52AM: I’m losing my mind I can’t dorm here anymore sorry for wasting ur money. And don’t call me back cuz my battery is dying so I won’t answer. An hour later: disregard my messages.
My stomach sunk immediately and I drove to work cursing and praying. My whole day was completely ruined. If she drops out of college, she’ll have no future and live with us forever. As soon as I got to work, I talked to three of my co-workers, all of whom told me this would happen, it’s to be expected, and normal. They told me to ignore it, let her work it out, not bail her out, she’s smart and knows that if she drops out she can’t get a good job, and that she probably just needed to vent. So not only am I worried now that she’d lost her job at the mall because she missed her shift, but now I freak over her not getting a college education. Why is this so hard?
(Email to Mom from friend) Meet me at my house by about 6:10 does that sound good for you? Maureen
Sounds good, have to vent. Al is driving me crazy. Very dramatic, hates dorming right now, I'm ready to rip her head off. Ladies at work tell me it's normal and all part of teenage girl behavior, especially first year of college. It sucks!
See you tonight you can vent on the ride to diner. Maureen
(Later) Okay, what is going on? Mom
Nothing really i was just stressed, kinda hate my roommates is all
Advice from the booklet “Empowering Parents of First Year College Students” by Royard Mullendore and Leslie Banahan:
Parents should listen closely to determine if their student is calling to ask for help or to vent frustration. Often, students simply want and need to tell their story, and they turn without hesitation to parents for sympathy and encouragement. There is no denying that receiving a call or e-mail from an unhappy child is troubling and upsetting for parents. Every part of the parents’ being is telling them to get in the car or hop a plane, train, or bus to get to campus to save their baby. Usually, the student’s bad moment passes, and he/she feels much better after dumping all the woe on Mom or Dad. The student goes on to the next part of life, while parents are left with all the emotion and worry. Especially with the speed of today’s communication technology, students don’t spend much time processing information or an experience before calling home, so parents often hear a very emotional and unexamined version of what their student is experiencing at school. Many first year students have a meltdown moment when college life just seems too hard, too confusing, and too overwhelming. But a) this is a common experience among first year students, b) the moment of helplessness and hopelessness usually passes fairly quickly, and c) today’s college students usually choose to call their parents when they emotionally hit rock bottom. This call may come earlier in the term but typically occurs during the crunch period between mid-term and final exams.
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